She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
