Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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