Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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