I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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