Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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