OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
