You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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