we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
