Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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