and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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