dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
