wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
