Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
