and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
