Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I believe in your delicious
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
