Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Randomize
