just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
