You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
