She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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