i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
