I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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