We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
