a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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