dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Alive.
So much puke
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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