So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
