I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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