You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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