i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i think i have two assholes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
