it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize