I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
