I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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