You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
