I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
