Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
