I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
