i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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