my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
