I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
