If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
