I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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