no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You can't just leave with hair like that
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
