He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We're too hungover to prance.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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