Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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