sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
