Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
