So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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