i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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