a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Boobs are out for the taking
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Randomize
