I must be too annoying 4 u.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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