Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
