I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
