so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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