Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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