Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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