ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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