genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
