my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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