is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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