Cold hands, warm shart.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
you never un-have a 4some
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
