so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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