White coat. Heels.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
