Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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